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Saturday, 21 September 2013

Being quiet

 
 
For pretty much my whole life, I have been told I am too quiet. All my school reports, from when I was really young to now, say I should speak up more, and that I don't say enough.
But I don't see what is wrong with not wanting to say something all the time. I do have my own ideas, it's just that the thought of sharing them with a large group of people terrifies me. Sometimes because I maybe don't feel sure I know what I think, or just because I don't feel like telling anyone.
I have also never found being around other people relaxing. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and I enjoy spending time with them, but I just don't ever feel I can relax properly unless I am on my own, because by yourself there are no expectations of how you should behave. You can do whatever you want, and there is no one around to tell you to not look so grumpy, or stop fiddling with your fingernails.
 
But the worst part of being a reserved person is that people treat it like it's a bad thing. While I realise that sometimes it is good to share your problems, I like people not knowing everything about me. I like being secretive, having bits of myself which only I know about. I find it satisfying having stuff I could tell people which might surprise them, but I still keep it back from them. It makes me feel oddly powerful, even though the only thing I am controlling is myself.
Maybe this is why I started blogging. This way, I can talk about stuff, but take a while to put down into words what I want to say, instead of having to say it to someone's face, without knowing properly what I actually want to say in the first place.



4 comments:

  1. WOW I RELATE TO THIS SO MUCH. Pretty much everything you said describes me as well. I feel super awkward talking to groups of people and meeting new people is not always great. The world values extroverts, but introverts can have just as many good ideas if not more. I like writing too because I'm not good at speaking, I feel so much more in control. And the part about being able to surprise people is so true as well, there is some stuff about me that even my closest friends don't know, and then there's just stuff I don't really want to tell anyone for no reason in particular. So yeah, great post.

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    1. Thank you! I know what you mean about the world valuing extroverts more, it's always the people who are loud about their ideas who are prized. And I know, most of my friends don't really know me at all.

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  2. Wow, this post is amazing! I'm kind of in the middle of introvert and extrovert- I love spending time with people and I'm good at speaking and expressing my opinions, but sometimes I feel like the only way I can truly unwind is just being by myself. I can identify with what you've said about how when you're by yourself, there are no expectations as to how you should act or what you should do. You're so right- the people who are loud about their ideas are more prized, and I don't necessarily think that's a good thing. Amazing post!

    unlockingpandorasbox.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks! I think quite a few people don't really see themselves as being either extroverted or introverted, and feel like they have aspeects of both. But I do think more introverted people get a rough time occassionally.

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