Thursday, 6 February 2014

cynicism alert

Being bored is bad for me. While some people become creative when they get bored, or think profoundly about life and the universe and all that, I turn bitchy and cynical. 

In the context of my comfortable life (which I complain endlessly about) I haven't had a lot of exciting stuff going on lately.

At the moment my life consists largely of
A) school work and revising which teachers seem to think I have an endless amount of time for
B) listening to my friend complain about her sex life 
C) getting into passive aggressive conflict with various people and then bitching about it on the internet
D) trying not to get fired from my job

None of which are really LIFE AFFIRMING or GRATIFYING 

Therefore down to a lack of time for creativity and a great deal of laziness, most of the fun I get out of life at the moment comes from 
1) being sarcastic
2) giving all my teachers bitchface until they look unnerved
3) not removing eye makeup for that perfect I've-been-punched-in-both-eyes look
4) playing minesweeper
5) comparing myself to other people
6) hating everyone younger and more successful than me

Basically, I have been wallowing quite satisfactorally in a sea of negativity and self-pity which other people would find despair inducing, but which I find relaxing. It's kind of my default setting, inwardly hating everyone and everything, to the extent that when I experience someone or something which makes me feel otherwise I panic. I can't cope with wanting people to like me, or having my feelings hurt and when I can't brush things off with my normal excuse of 'other people are idiots', I feel confused. When I'm falling behind with school work, or having some kind of emotional struggle I almost become a nicer person, becuase I care more about other people, and whether or not they like me.


  1. love the photos and thegif of the black dress. i know what its like to be stuck in a cynical wormhole. i usually try to keep one foot in it lol. i hope things get better!

    1. Thank you, I will try! I just found that gif having lusted after that dress for literally years and felt the need to use it somehow haha x