There are 1000 reasons I could give for not having posted on here recently, such as the trustworthy 'I've been really busy' (true, but also not busy enough to neglect this quite so badly) or 'I've been working on something really great' (I haven't. I've been trying every single variety of sainsburys cookies and watching 10 episodes of the office per day) or I could just not mention it because hey! this is my blog, and I've gone for longer without writing anything on here before. also it annoys me that I start every single post with an apology for infrequency/over frequency of posts.
I feel compelled to say something now though because this time, the reason that I haven't posted on here in a long time is that I have had absolutely nothing I want to write about. I'm not just being lazy, or feeling unable to cope with blogger's non-functioning picture arranging, I have not once in the past 2 months had a thought I wanted to share on here. Maybe I'm sharing more of this stuff with people in real life but I'm not entirely sure I am. Maybe I'm sick of writing. I write a full essay each week, researching for it, shaping information into arguments, pulling something interesting apart until it isn't so I can coldly analyse its separate parts before tomorrow evening. To do so for fun now, when I could instead be sleeping, or watching tv or seeing my friends seems ludicrous.
(side note: term has finally finished now. hence the sudden availability for recreational scribblings)
It's at that point in the year now where the novelty of the university experience has worn off. I skip my lectures now because I'm bored of the walk there and back and its cold and I don't want to get out of my pyjamas. I plan my reading around having to drag myself to as few libraries as possible (I love libraries, but when I have to spend hours going there, negotiating the confusing classifying system only to have to haul several enormous dull volumes back to my room they lose their attraction). I put as little effort into my work as I can get away with because by now, I don't care if it isn't great or incredible or impressive, I care that it's acceptable and no one will be 'concerned about my performance' *shudders*. I find it impossible to even appreciate the beauty of the city and its buildings because I have walked through them almost every single day now for the past few months and all I notice are the tourists and bikes blocking the pavements.
I found myself subconsciously making some (alarmingly negative) resolutions halfway through this term:
1. stop going to clubs. you hate them. you've never ever enjoyed a night out, and at this stage you're probably never going to meet your soulmates in a room-shaped armpit you paid £5 to enter. let's face it, you only really do it for the chips on the way back.
2. stop spending time with people who have never paid you any attention in the vain hope that they suddenly might start finding you interesting. If they've never made an effort to talk to you, why should you?
3. stop caring what other people think. they don't care that much, so just do what you want.
4. you have enough friends, stop grasping for more. be more discerning. the people you think are cool from a distance are rarely as neat when you get to know them.
5. reorganise your time and pastimes. go to the museums and charity shops. Give up on all the things you feel you ought to do but actually gain nothing from. Only you know how to best spend your time.
6. trust your instincts. you are right more than you think.
tl;dr - do you on your own terms
I have been watching a lot of films in between huge bowls of pasta. Mostly faintly disturbing:
se7en - intriguing biblical undertones, Kevin Spacey
nymphomaniac vol. II - I saw part I and thought I should finish it. My face took a while to unfurrow after it ended.
twin peaks: fire walk with me - much, much, much more shocking in terms of content than the tv series. and more sheryl lee which is absolutely no bad thing.
lost highway - i only figured out how all the characters connected about 2 hours after I finished it. rammstein and someone's head gets impaled on a table corner
Also: when I said I hadn't felt compelled to share anything on here that was a teeny tiny lie. I found these videos in a semi-abandoned draft which I thought were cool/fun/catchy/entertaining
(Vintage David Lynch directed playstation 2 commercials)
Anyway! Easter is now. Revising and trying to earn money are very much around the corner = more stuff to put off = predicted sudden increased interest in blogging. watch this space.